Can self-improvement be counterproductive?

Let’s say you want to get better in some way. And in trying to get better, you realize that you can always be better.

Now you feel bad about where you are at. You are unhappy. You think, if only I were better, I would be happy.

You started in a neutral state, just wanting to improve in some aspect. But now you’re in a negative state. What happened?

“You want to get better in some way.” Why? Because you assume you’ll be happier? Because you find something worthwhile?

What are the assumptions here? That happiness is only available, or allowed (if you are particularly self-critical, to begin with) if you measure up to some idea of achievement or success? And what are those measurements?

On one hand, going from zero self-reflection and introspection to some can produce tangible benefits in most areas of your life.

But if you overdo the self-analysis, you may find yourself paralyzed by indecision and increasingly discouraged by all of your perceived shortcomings.

Here’s how it can play out:

1. You get serious about “self-improvement”
2. You notice motivational essays everywhere — lifehacks, “my journey” stories, tips for being more productive, earning more money, meeting more people, feeling better. You aren’t doing most of these things, and you can’t possibly read all the articles.
3. You feel like you’re not improving enough or fast enough. Why? What are you lacking? Every lifehack you’re not using, isn’t that a sign of inefficiency? What if your life is just wasting away? You become disillusioned and trapped in a never-ending cycle of feeling inadequate.
4. You look at this growing dissatisfaction, and think, wait, that’s not what this was all for. You backtrack and begin to realize that when pursued for its own sake, self-improvement is a dead end.

So what’s the answer?

Here’s an idea: Self-improvement for its own sake, for yourself only, can never lead to long-term fulfilment. But rather self-improvement for purposes pointing away from the self, and towards other people.

You want to improve at X, so you can do Y for someone else.

You want to improve so you can be a better parent, sibling, partner, child, friend, or member of a community.

The point is that you’re doing this for something larger than just your own bundle of feelings.

Then you can point to that person or that mission and say “I got better, and helped to make this person’s life better.”

Does it make you feel good?

Sure, but not only that.

There was a real purpose to why you went through all of the discomforts of the self-improvement.

You brought another person happiness. And perhaps that’s the real path to your own.